IF THEY SAY SO - IT HAS TO BE GOOD

I used to be a copywriter – a good copywriter. My partner and I won prizes for copywriting, even though I had to remind him not to write stuff like: “There’s two things etc…” told him he meant “there ARE…” but the mistake has flourished until today everyone, even educated people who actually know how to read use a singular verb with a plural subject.

I got sidetracked. This was supposed to be about the fine art of writing advertising copy.

So much “copy” has deteriorated into mindless jargon that it no longer is a question of truth or accuracy. Today I nearly fell off the chesterfield as a TV commercial announced that a special cheeseburger was made with “naturally aged Cheddar Cheese.” AS OPPOSED TO WHAT? Artificially aged and if so, by what chemical magic do you age cheese?

The other one that has my brain frying is the claim by Tim Hortons that their “Smoothie” contains a “full helping of fruit.” What pray tell is a “full” helping? It is a bowlful, a dessert-sized portion?. It is none of those. It is a mindless bit of fake hyperbole that some copywriter put down, and that some artistic director approved and that some client accepted.

Nonsense!

While I’m here doing my typically purist, elitist carping about language. On ABC News a reporter in Libya, announcing that Ghadaffi’s end may be near said: “He’S up against the ropes.” I believe we still call that a mixed metaphor. He was either: “on the ropes” or “up against the wall.” Ah me. How great it is to be perfect.

And on the same network news a story about a 13 year old named Jessica who, like Nancy Drew, was able to solve a crime the police could not. The news anchor declared: “Jessica has quite a future ahead of her.” Or did he mean a past behind her?

The other day a CBC News reporter talking about the glass falling from condominium balconies referred to “incidences.” Nice new word. Wouldn’t the original “incidents” have worked?

In the face of blood-letting in Syria, Hamas incursions into the Sinai and famine in the horn of Africa – I choose to meddle with trivialities.

Starting next week another in epic series “Letters from….” Not Paris this time, but from first – the Queen Mary Two, taking us across the Atlantic to Southampton. Then four weeks in the west country of England – Cornwall, Devon and Wales.
I’m off to see…..