THEM THAR HILLS

I have a friend who went “long” on gold several hundred dollars ago. If I had taken his advice I would be looking at pretty good profits today. But I didn’t. Putting your money in gold realizes no income, just possible capital gain, or – bubble-bursting time – ruin. (Remember when those scoundrelly Hunt brothers – Lamar and Nelson Bunker - “cornered” the silver market a few years ago. People were buying Canadian dimes and melting them down for their silver content. I even considered disposing of our sterling silver cutlery. The bubble burst and the Hunt brothers were indicted.) But the gold rush is real!

Now it has taken on a new dimension. “See you at a gold party!” The new Tupperware is here, and it is old chains, rings, anything that is gold. I arrive late on this one. Am I the last to notice the ads? Am I lagging behind the rest of the world?

While poking around through the New York Times on the web, I noticed an ad for Toronto gold parties. I had an inkling about what w=it would be. Hey, I’m not from Mars and I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. I’m hip. I’m today. I am not surprised at gold selling about a thousand dollars an ounce. But this is simply too much.

This company is like the old Tupperware or Mary Kay cosmetics with get-together parties. And you can host your own gold party.and get a commission on every transaction.

Everyone wants your gold. The biggest new arrival in TV commercials is the send-m-your-gold guy. Cash for old stuff. And what I read is that a company in Switzerland melts down tons of gold and resells it in 100 gram bars or big ingots. The hunger for gold is worldwide, and all because of the decline of the American dollar, the worry that inflation will rear it’s ugly, and that continuing stimulus will increase deficits and make cash worth less. (as opposed to worthless.)

I am struck dumb. I know, and so do most people, that most of the gold that has ever been smelted is still around. Not all of it is accessible, like the tons of the stuff that is in Spanish gold galleons resting at the bottom of the sea, or in traveling museum shows like King Tut (which comes to Toronto’s AGO soon.). Can you imagine the money that is being invested in treasure hunting? I’m waiting to see figures about another boom and a bonanza for more scoundrels.

Gold is magic. As a metal is has many virtues, but as a symbol it has even more.

It is not without reason that the legend of King Midas has been a favourite for generations. We are emotional about gold. We are hysterical about gold.

Now we can actual get in on the action. I wonder if I should host a “bring-me-your-gold party.” Someone out there is getting rich. It sure as H isn’t me!